Hanoi, Vietnam – March 4th – 9th, 2017

After a very pleasant bus ride from Ba Be National Park, we arrived in Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam. For once, I am not being sarcastic, the bus ride was actually pleasant! The bus was a new sleeper bus with individual reclined seats stacked on top of each other like little bunk beds. Our only complaint with the Asian-sized bus was that we did not exactly fit in the seats. Since our feet outsize the feet of infants, they had to be fully turned to one side in order to fit inside the foot cubby. Still, a mostly comfortable, clean, and safe trip exceeded our expectations (fair to say our expectations are quite low at this point). 

Sleeper bus trip during the day. 

After about three weeks without western comforts, we basked in the glory of our clean comfortable room at a fancy hotel. We sprung the $20/night to stay at a nice place near the city center with the caveat that our room was tiny and did not have any windows. We didn’t mind though, the dark interior room allowed us to catch up on much needed quality sleep and the hotel service was incredible!

We spent four full days walking the streets of Hanoi. We frequented delicious restaurants and coffee shops to catch up on the blog, travel research, and start the dreaded job search (waaa waaaa!). Our favorite coffee shop ended up being a place called “The Note.” This local shop provided multi-colored sticky notes to leave messages on the walls. Given that my attention span is only slightly better than a monkey’s, I enjoyed the distraction of reading the inspirational and funny messages left by locals and tourists. After devouring lots of tea and coffee, upscale Indian food (twice), Banh Mi sandwiches, crème caramel desserts, and fresh bakery bread, we felt the need to even out the calorie differential and went to a local gym to work out. With ex-pats a-plenty we were not even gawked at! Although Hanoi is massive and busy, we surprisingly really liked it. There are interesting alleys and old picturesque French architecture throughout the city making it feel smaller than it really is. The large population of tourists and ex-pats made getting around, communicating, and finding the creature comforts easy. Don’t get me wrong, it was still very much Asia, which we were reminded of when stumbling across tall pyramids of barbecued dogs. That’s right folks, dogs are a delicacy in Vietnam.  

The streets of Hanoi.

Restaurants and cafes around Hanoi. 

In addition to eating (not dogs) and working out, we also had a few clothes crises while in Hanoi. Freezing over the previous week made it very apparent that we did not have enough warm clothes, especially considering that the next country in Dandy’s Grand Adventure is New Zealand in autumn. To remedy the situation, we must have visited 30 different knock-off outdoor gear shops, attempting to find decent quality warm clothing. This was pretty much a fail because the selection was repetitive, the quality was crap, and/or the clothes did not fit (again, pesky Asian sizing). Resigning to the fact that finding long enough pants was an impossible task, we found a seamstress that put minimal effort into patching my pants which had been destroyed from a protruding nail on a bench in Sapa. Our clothes are actually wearing out from too much use (now that’s a problem seldomly experienced in the first world)! Our last clothing crisis almost gave Andy a hard attack. In order to avoid the expense of doing laundry through our nice (and reliable) hotel, we brought all of our dirty clothes to a hostel in town for half the price. When we came to pick the clothes up the first time, they said that they were not done yet and to come back later. So, we did. Andy came back the next morning, only to be told that they had lost the clothes! They did not even apologize, just stated matter-of-fact that they had a mix up at the laundromat and had lost our clothes. After spending four days in Hanoi failing to find quality clothes that fit and now being the proud owners of just the clothes on our backs, we were flabbergasted by the lack of concern shown by the hostel staff! This is a perfect example of what we have begun calling the “give-a-damn” factor – meaning that the rest of the world just doesn’t “give-a-damn” compared to the western world. After two hours of pure terror, someone finally showed up with our clothes – which were still dirty and now damp too. After Andy accounted for all of the clothes, the hostel staff attempted to take them back to wash them. There was no chance in hell we were leaving our clothes with them again. They had them for 48-hours the first time around and didn’t even wash them! We settled on the reliable, expensive, laundry service from our hotel… lesson learned.   

More photos from around Hanoi. Rather than break you neck by standing on a hover-boards, some clever person conversed into seated toys and rents them on the street (middle-right). Trash collection services (bottom-middle). Andy wearing lipstick after we did a TV news interview about Women's Day (bottom-right). We were on Vietnamese TV!   

Perhaps the only touristy thing we did in Hanoi (besides shopping and eating) was to visit a large military history museum and crashed B52 bomber plane. Although the war museum was interesting, most of the captions were written in Vietnamese and we struggled to know what we were looking at. What we were able to gleam is that the Vietnamese are very proud of their military successes. I suppose you cannot fault them for this, especially after the tumultuous century that they have had fighting the French for Independence and a civil war between the communist north and democratic south (the Vietnam war or as they call it, the American war). Regardless, perhaps a more apt name for the museum would be the “Military Propaganda Museum.”

War memorials in Hanoi.

Ba Be National Park, Vietnam – March 2nd – 4th, 2017

The first thing we did when we arrived at our homestay in Ba Be was strip - not in a sexual way, no, that wasn’t possible when the stank of the last seven days was on us. We only brought five pairs of underwear each, so… you do the math. Luckily, the homestay let us use their washing machine and within two hours of arriving all of our clothes were clean and hanging out to dry. We literally took over the upstairs balcony and consequently also blocked the magnificent view with our clothes (the other guests reluctantly forgave us when we explained). That night, we hung out, showered thoroughly, blogged, and enjoyed the meal prepared by our homestay family (once again tofu and tomato, oily vegetables, and rice).

Our homestay at Ba Be National Park. The bottom-left photo shows the view from the patio and bottom-right shows the owner fishing. 

The next day, we employed the homestay owner to take us around Ba Be Lake on his boat. After traveling the length of the lake, we headed upstream on a river to Puong Cave. The cave was surprisingly large with active cave formations and thousands of bats! The roof of the cavern was completely covered in them! There were so many, that by looking up you risked guano face (aka being pooped on). After visiting the cave, we ate at a local restaurant along the river (surprise: more of the same vegetarian food), walked to a small waterfall, viewed Fairy Pond (which was literally just a pond), and visited a pagoda. Overall, it was a relaxing enjoyable day on the water and it was nice to see the scenery undisturbed by humans. In most of the north, the mountain forests and jungles, regardless of how steep the slopes, had been clear cut and terraced for farming. At the national park, the government subsidized the locals every year to keep them from destroying and/or hunting in the jungle. Even without legal hunting, there were pretty much no animals (even birds) in the jungle. This is true not only in Vietnam, but throughout Asia (sad…).

Boat trip on Ba Be Lake. 

Puong Cave.

Pigs, dead little fish, eggs, temples, and ladies making chopsticks.

Although a short trip at Ba Be, we were glad we decided to visit (and even more glad to be off the motorbikes). We needed a little downtime in nature before moving onto Hanoi the following morning.

Bac Ha and Motorbiking the North of Vietnam – February 25th – March 2nd, 2017

Fear of fatal injury without insurance, we opted for riding pillion on two motorbikes through the far northern region of Vietnam. In addition to maintaining our travelers insurance by riding legally, the major advantage to this approach was an English speaking guide and a one-way route rather than round-trip (eliminating a full-day of bus travel, WIN!). We started the tour in Bac Ha, home of the infamous Sunday market. Arriving on Saturday evening, we found ourselves at a dirty and dank hotel which was ran by an enthusiastic 12-year old. Once in the decrepit room, we pushed the single beds together for warmth (it was about 40 degrees with 100% humidity inside and out) and quickly discovered the used condom and clean-up tissues which had been “thrown away” under the bed. At least they were using protection…?

Early and eager to put the hotel stay in the past, we set out to tour the Bac Ha Sunday Market. It was massive and riddled with different ethnic minorities, each dressed in traditional colorful clothing (side note: there are 54 different ethnic minority groups in Vietnam, all with different languages and traditions!). At the market, we grabbed some fried sticky rice pancakes, fresh pineapple, and Vietnamese coffee (for Andy) and spent a couple of hours in the cold drizzle wandering through the market. In addition to the typical fruit, vegetable, meat, and home goods, the market also included hardware, traditional hand-made clothing, handicrafts, and a livestock section with live (for now) animals. In the livestock market, buffalo, cows, pigs, chickens, goats, and puppies were being sold. Although some were being sold as pets (the puppies), most were doomed to die, for it is cheaper to buy a live animal and butcher it yourself than buy the meat. We recognize that this is part of life, but watching the pigs being stretched for the buyer’s examination and hearing them squeal with terror was gut-wrenching. Live animals were being jammed into tiny wicker cages, held upside down, dragged through the mud, and transported on the back of motorbikes. It was tough to see (and hear), but the reality that this is likely humane compared to what we don’t see was even harder to swallow.

Bac Ha Sunday Market. Sugar cane, red peppers, and tobacco were among the hoards of stuff for sale.

Livestock market.

Decked out in plastic (included bags on our feet) and wearing all of the clothes we own (I was wearing 3 layers of pants, 1 t-shirt, 2 long sleeves, and 3-jackets), we met our guide / driver (named Ky and Cuong), loaded-up the bikes, and took off through the freezing rain. Apparently, the scenery leaving Bac Ha was beautiful, but similar to Sapa, we wouldn’t know because we couldn’t see anything except fog. Along the way, we stopped at two local Flower Hmong markets, where we were able to ask Ky all of our pressing market questions: “What is that?”, “Are the puppies for sale to eat?”, “What is that?”, etc. At the second market, we stopped for Pho (Vietnamese noodle soup) and I had the fun-experience of using the bathroom, which turned out to be an abandoned building with the floor literally covered in shit. Since it was impossible to actually enter the bathroom, most (including me) ventured behind the building, stepped carefully to avoid human landmines, and squatted instead (not to brag, but after Nepal my outdoor bathroom technique is pretty much flawless). In the afternoon, we stopped at a waterfall before arriving at our homestay in a Tay village. The family was absolutely incredible! They invited a few neighbors over, butchered a rooster in our honor (we know he was a man chicken because they ate the testicles), and prepared a feast for dinner. We ate, drank, and laughed for hours! The host must have refilled our small rice wine shot glass 20 times! Each time, everybody raised their glass and said, “Cin nau” for cheers. After a while, I was unable to drink the entire shot, so they started saying, “Cin met” instead, which means 100% (aka drink it all wimp). The good thing about being liquored up is that the shyness evaporated and we spent the evening learning (and subsequently forgetting) Tay and Vietnamese words and phrases. I also discovered that the home owner was learning French so we were able to communicate some without having to use Ky as our translator.

Day 1 photos showing the foggy scenery, local market, a mud house with a satellite dish (and likely high speed internet). 

More day 1 photos.

As promised, we woke up headache free (Mr. Thuy makes quality rice wine), bundled up in the same clothes as we wore the previous day (minus the plastic because a small miracle had occurred and it was only cloudy and not raining), and set off. During day 2, we stopped for pressed cane juice, walked around a park with astrological statues, and convinced Ky to do some breakdancing for us. He was very good, we were not. The views were slightly better without the rain, but they were still hindered by low clouds. It did clear enough for us to see two green hills called the “fairy breasts” because they look like two perfectly shaped boobs. After a very long day of riding (thanks to a landslide that caused a 2-hour detour), we stopped for the night at a homestay in a Dao village. Here, the family also prepared a feast, but we declined the onslaught of rice wine this time around.

Day 2 photos showing the Tay homestay, hanging with our zodiac statues (I'm a tiger and Andy's a dragon), and playing on the exercise equipment in a park. 

More day 2 photos showing Ky breakdancing (our "stall" didn't last long enough to get a photo), scenery, Ky helping a guy driving a motorbike loaded down with piglets, propaganda, and the boob hills (bottom-right).

Before heading out in the morning, we took a walk through the village. We didn’t make it far before we realized that we had a shadow: the family’s adorable two-year old granddaughter had followed us and joined for the walk! Afraid of being accused of child abduction, we reluctantly returned for another frigid uncomfortable day on the motorbikes. Over the next eight-hours we meandered through Dong Van Karst Plateau Geopark, stopping at viewpoints along the way. Once again, we had to use our imagination to picture the stunning volcanic scenery. Ky was nice (or not nice) enough to show us a photo of what the view looked like on a clear day. Oh well, the 100 feet of visibility we did see was pretty incredible. When we arrived in the small town of Dong Van, we were blessed with warmth for the first time in almost a week! - a heating pad in the hotel room and hot coals warming the space in the restaurant we went to for dinner. 

Day 3 photos. The top row shows us with the Dao family that owned the homestay. The fire on the side of the mountain is not a wildfire, but the farmers burning their fields. This happens every winter/spring on every farm throughout SE Asia, so smoke is constantly in the air.  

More photos from day 3. Visibility was shit, but we did meet a local who had done far too many drugs and a bug-eyed cow. The picture with the phone is supposed to show what the view looks like without the clouds.  

More day 3 photos. We visited a historic White Hmong king's palace from the 1800's and played some pool in seemingly the only heated space in North Vietnam. The middle-right photo shows a "display" in the palace - the artifacts were literally just dumped into a display case. 

On day four of the motorbike trip, the clouds parted and the sun proved to us that it hadn’t burnt out! It turned out to be a stupid long day on the motorbikes, but the scenery was spectacular. Since we missed out on so many of the views the first three days, Ky decided to take a different, more scenic route. Our eyes appreciated the gesture, but our rumps (and nerves) could not get off the unpaved bumpy roads soon enough. We stopped for breaks in some minority farming villages where we conversed with the friendly locals. In each village, an older woman would eventually come out and compare their height to ours: the tallest barely came up to my chest height! By the time we made it to our stopping place for the night, we had rode for two hours in the dark. It was a very long day, but well well worth it.

Scenery on day 4.

More day 4 photos. The botttom-right photo shows Ky singing karaoke - a favorite pastime of the Vietnamese.

More photos of the incredible scenery on day 4. The bottom-right photo shows Chung and me exhausted from driving/riding.

Before departing in the morning of our last day of the trip, we walked through the large weekly market in Bao Lac. Although not as expansive as the market in Bac Ha, we were the only white people there and received a lot of attention. We made an effort to avoid the livestock market this time around though. A half day of driving landed us at the beautiful Ba Be National Park where we said goodbye to Ky and Cuong. Stay tuned for our exploits in Ba Be in the next blog post.

Day 5 photos including the Bao Lac market, red leaved trees, and very friendly rice farmers.

More photos from day 5 showing the beautiful farming scenery, ingenious irrigation equipment, and the "after" picture. 

To give context, the Ha Giang province
is highlighted. It looks so small,
but ~500 km on the back of a
motorbike felt like a long haul.

Map of our route through Northern Vietnam. Blue dots are where we slept for the night and green dots show lunch stops. 

Considering that the weather was shit for the first three-days, we had an incredible time and were glad that we went through with the trip. Although we had pretty much nothing in common with Ky (he was 22 and into video games, online gaming, and breakdancing), he was friendly and tried his best to answer our endless stream of questions. Cuong on the other hand, was a complete troll (albeit a friendly troll most of the time). A slob, easy to anger, and childish, Andy and I reluctantly traded off riding with him. Not only was he about double the size as Ky, making the ride inherently more uncomfortable, he drove in an unpredictable, terrifying way. He would be going along fine, and then the troll in him would surface out of nowhere and he would floor the motorbike, passing and taking turns way too fast! Although we were glad that we were not driving (road conditions were well beyond our ability), we could have done without Cuong. We also could have done without wearing the same clothes for five-days (and nights) straight. Since it was so cold, wearing all the clothes we owned was the only option. Making matters worse, these clothes were already dirty from freezing for two-days in Sa Pa before starting the trip.   

Now having been in Vietnam a week, a few differences really stood out compared to the other countries in SE Asia. For one, there is high speed internet literally everywhere! Whether it be in the middle of nowhere, at the home of an ethnic minority group, at a small local restaurant, or in a big city, the internet is consistently good, always available, and free! Another thing that is ever-present in Vietnam is government propaganda. You cannot drive a mile without seeing a red and white government sign with propaganda. Many of the signs that Ky translated for us seemed to be about how contributing to society makes you happy. Regardless of (or perhaps because of) the propaganda, the majority of people seem to be pretty satisfied with the Vietnamese government (wish we could say the same). There is definitely no shortage of Vietnamese flags and patriotism. Lastly, as we initially feared, being a vegetarian in Vietnam proved to be quite the challenge. We literally ate the same local food for five-days straight: fried tofu with tomatoes, oily fried morning glory, and all the rice you can eat.  

A fine example of chinglish from my knock-off Arc'teryx socks. After a five-day trial period I can without a doubt confirm that the socks "have good arranging the sweat, do characteristic rapidly" and are "dry and comfortable and comfortable."

Muang Khua, Laos, Dien Bien Phu, and Sapa, Vietnam – February 21st – 25th, 2017

It took us three days to travel overland from Nong Khiaw, Laos to Sapa, Vietnam. We chose to think of the first day as an excursion rather than a travel day seeing as it was on a boat up the Nam Ou river. The boat was a long skinny canoe with an engine in the back. It was lined on each side with a total of six old airplane seats. Just because there were only six actual seats does not mean there were only six passengers. No no, we started the trip with about 18 people plus the driver. Luckily most of them disembarked the partially submerged canoe within the first couple of hours of the eight-hour journey, leaving us with plenty of room to spread out. The going was slow, but the scenery was epic! When we arrived in Muang Khua, Laos we found a basic hotel and walked around the small town gathering snacks for the following two days of real travel (via bus… wah waah). After visiting the town’s only attraction, a long suspension bridge, we seized our last opportunity for delicious Laos curry and sticky rice.

Boat trip up the Nam Ou River and Muang Khua, Laos.

We got up early the next morning to catch the local bus across the Vietnam border. No kidding, I originally mistook our transportation for a broken down abandoned bus, thinking there was no way that it could possibly be our bus, let alone operate. I was proven wrong when the driver got back from wherever it is that Asian drivers disappear to, and it started right up! We boarded the fully-functional, but decrepit bus, offloaded our baggage into the rear row of seats (which were missing), and took off towards Vietnam. After traveling a few hundred feet we stopped to pick up a massive fish which was folded into a small cardboard box and added to the pile of baggage in the back of the bus. This fish, as I discovered hours later, ended up falling over and landing on top of my bag, spooging all over it! I was not pleased, especially since when the fish first boarded the bus, I turned to Andy and said, “That fish better not end up on my bag!” Go figure… besides the looming chore of ridding my bag of fish stank, the four-hour bus ride and border crossing went surprisingly smoothly. We didn’t even have to pay any bribes at the border crossing!!!

We arrived in Dien Bien Phu, Vietnam in the early afternoon and made our way to our guesthouse. Unbeknownst to us, our guesthouse was inconveniently located about 40 minutes (walking - we are too cheap for taxis) from the bus station where we were dropped off at and needed to leave from the following morning. Besides being border-line hangry, it turned out okay because it allowed us to get some errands done along the walk. Thanks to the 3,000,000 Vietnamese Dong ($131) ATM limit at the ATMs around town, we had to use our bank card about eight times in a row in order to get out enough money to pay our motorbike guides a few days later. Around withdrawal #6 Andy’s card assumed it had been stolen and quit working (good thing mine still worked). Now millionaires, we headed to the mobile store. With the help of a language translator app and about an hour of time, we were able to get a working Vietnamese SIM card for data and in-country calls. Now three-hours later and in full-on hangry mode, we found a coffee shop where we settled on eating fruit and yogurt parfaits (it turns out finding vegetarian Vietnamese food in a non-tourist town is close to impossible). I say close to impossible, because when we finally arrived at our spotless guesthouse and asked the family where we might find some vegetarian food, they said that the only place in town is a vegan restaurant that happens to be owned by them!

After settling into our massive room, we rented bicycles and set out to tour the city. We soon discovered that Vietnam is drastically different from Laos and Cambodia. While undeniably different, we found Laos and Cambodia to have similar food, housing, and cultures (except we thought the Cambodians were much more outwardly friendly). Vietnam on the other hand, was a different world. Like Russian or German, the language sounds a bit like yelling and we instantly struggled to tell the difference between a casual conversation and a fight. Regardless of the intensity of the language, the people were quite friendly, waving at us as we passed on our bikes. The women also appeared to take-on a more equal role in society – there were just as many women partaking in evening badminton and volleyball competitions as men and they were regularly competing against each other, something we hadn’t seen since… ummm I can’t remember!

Just before dusk, we stopped at A1 hill, the location of the historic 1954 battle in the first Indochina War for independence from France. We walked around the preserved battlegrounds and through some of the trenches to a massive explosion crater at the top of the hill. It was pretty surreal and left us wondering why time and time again, conflicts escalate to the point of killing each other before compromise can be made.

Overland travel to Vietnam and Dien Bien Phu. The center-left picture shows us eating Washington apples! 

Now hungry again (pesky hunger, we are so sick of eating out), we made our way to the vegan restaurant where we met up with three French people and an American who were all living and working in Dien Bien Phu. The meal was not only delicious but creative too! They made vegan chicken wings with a lemongrass stalk as the leg bone and pork ribs using coconut strips to mimic the ribs. Perhaps the most impressive part of the massive meal, was the price - each of us paid about $4 which included multiple drinks.

Early the next morning, we departed Dien Bien Phu for the dramatic mountain scenery of Sapa. The eight-hour bus ride was perhaps one of the smoothest so far and the scenery as we climbed into the mountains did not disappoint. It was dusk when we arrived, but we could already tell that the region was spectacularly beautiful. Rather than make our way to our homestay right away, we made the mistake of eating in Sapa town before hiring motorbike taxis to take us the remaining 12 km to the village. The problem with this approach was that a storm rolled in and by the time we were ready to leave it was dark, cold, foggy, and raining. Several motorbike taxis attempted to charge us double the regular price and then drove alongside us cock-blocking our bargain attempts with ever other taxi driver. Out of options and more than a little irritated at the audacity of these a-hole drivers, we settled on calling our homestay and having them come pick us up in a regular taxi. The downside was that the cost for the taxi was equivalent to an eight-hour bus ticket (travel lesson: they’ll always find a way to milk you in a tourist town). Alas, the upside was we were dry and comfortable in the taxi. The fog was so thick that it took almost 45 minutes to arrive at our homestay. When we arrived, the owners had to come find us in the fog because the house, and your outstretched arm, were not visible.

Over the next day and a half, the fog and rain never lifted. We ended up rallying the remaining travelers (many arrived and left after looking at the doom and gloom forecast) and spent the entire first day playing cards and drinking Vietnamese happy water (rice wine). With the artificial warmth provided by the wine, we had enough to spare to keep the five four-week old puppies warm! Yup, you read that right, PUPPIES! 

Cards, fog, and puppies! The photo that shows some scenery was taken on the way to Sapa. 

With the fun addition of a hangover, we ventured out with some of our new friends the next morning to walk through the village. We eventually made it low enough in the valley that we were mostly out of the cloud that had permanently engulfed our homestay, granting us about 100 feet of visibility. The visible terraced rice-fields and village houses made a beautiful foreground to our imaginary mountain landscape! So, although our time in Sapa came and went and we only imagined the amazing scenery, we did make some friends and had ample time to cuddle/play with the puppies. I suppose bad weather was bound to plague us at some point. 

Walk around Tavan village. The top-right picture shows our friend, "FX" (a Mexican TV star from the Netherlands), with his adopted dog, Paul, which followed him back from a previous walk and now lives with the family at the homestay. The bottom-right picture shows a motorbike with half an animal carcass on the back.

Nong Khiaw, Laos – February 17th – 21st, 2017

It wouldn’t be a travel day without a healthy dose of misunderstanding and panic. We were told our bus left the station at 9am and that we would be picked up at 8:30am at the hotel by a tuktuk. Sounds good, right? So, we’re having our breakfast at the hotel and the driver shows up early (that never happens) so we rush through our breakfast, grab our things, and hop on his tuktuk. Phew, no big deal, a little rushing in the morning is fine. What’s not fine, is that the driver started driving us towards town (away from the bus station) and to other hotels to pick up more travelers! The driver didn’t speak any English so there was no way to communicate our panic as the clock ticked towards 9am. Although we tried to reiterate “Nong Khiaw” to him, his response was not very reassuring… he completely ignored us.  Eventually, 9am came and went and we resigned ourselves to going with the flow and seeing what happened. We finally arrived at the bus station at 9:30am and the driver arranged bus tickets for his load of passengers. We grabbed our tickets and ran around the parking lot looking for our bus while some friendly drivers pointed us in the right direction. Thankfully, we found our minivan (which was empty) and discovered that it actually left the station at 10am! As usual, it all worked out just fine in the end, but the minor heart attacks on every single travel day are pretty annoying. It’s very hard to avoid these heart palpitations when we tend to have a strong preference for control (you could say we’re control freaks, but that wouldn’t be very nice). This trip has been a long lesson for us about letting things go.

Anyway, the four-hour ride to Nong Khiaw was pretty bumpy and made Dani carsick, but there was a French guy on the bus who was blasting AC DC in his earbuds and occasionally singing along at the top of his lungs, so at least there was free entertainment. After fifteen minutes sitting at the bus station letting Dani’s nausea subside, we walked around town looking for a bungalow (I was VERY set on having a bungalow). We had a few misses before coming across a row of bungalows overlooking the river. We inquired with the extremely mute and unhelpful owner who just handed us the key to a bungalow to check it out. It took us 10 minutes to decipher which bungalow we were supposed to be heading towards and how to get there, but we finally got to it – it was the BEST bungalow in town! It was the last one in the row and had unobstructed and gorgeous views down river with a private balcony, hammock, and lounge chair to soak it all in. Extremely pleased with our find, I went back up to the owner to book it and try to negotiate the price. Of course, he didn’t budge on the price (100,000 kip / ~$12 per night) and refused to answer any of my other questions, but who cared, the room was amazing!

Our riverside bungalow.

Relaxing in the peaceful and picturesque river town came very easy and was a great opportunity to catch up on some planning and computer errands we were putting off. The balcony was perfect for getting things accomplished while surrounded by mountains and the calm river. We also spent lots of time at Alex’s Restaurant where a nice woman made delicious Laos food and served it with a smile. She had an amazing local dish called Laos Farmer’s Breakfast that included sticky rice, an eggplant mash for dipping the sticky rice in, some greens, and a veggie omelet (with dill, it's great, try it!). We probably went there five times in the four days we were in town! We also went a few times to another restaurant in town that made good western food including homemade granola and yogurt. The owner was kind of a brute and he was often yelling at his local employees, but the western comforts were hard to pass up. 

We also went to another herbal sauna like in Vientiane, except this one was MUCH smaller and not as hot. We met a cool fellow American traveler there so we chatted, passed along tips to each other, and sweated our asses off before Dani and I got massages. The massages were okay – nothing special, but they were definitely relaxing! The masseuses used so much oil though, that my boxers ended up soaked! I was worried it wouldn’t come out, but once again worrying turned out to be fruitless since it washed out no problem. Without a doubt, the Laos herbal saunas are one of the country’s highlights, and it’s not just a foreigner thing, the locals use them too.

Relaxing on our bungalow patio and our favorite dish at Alex's Restaurant. 

One of the days, we walked 3km east to Pha Tok cave where the locals hid during the bombing raids during the Vietnam War. Since it was a weekend, two local children were waiting for us at the cave entrance so they could guide us for a small tip. The caves were quite small and there wasn’t much to see, but it was surreal to picture them hiding in fear while their lives outside were destroyed. Though the children didn’t speak much English, they did bring us to a nearby cave where you have to crouch and climb over stalagmites through a short and narrow tunnel. Though the caves weren’t that impressive or spectacular, it was still a cool experience! For sunset that evening, we climbed up a steep and sweaty trail to a viewpoint overlooking the town, river, and surrounding mountains. Unlike the cave, this was truly extraordinary! The views were really out of this world and each and every drop of sweat (including the ones that went into our eyes) were worth it!

Pha Tok caves and the cock fighting training we witnessed on the way there. 

Hike to the viewpoint for sunset.

Our last day in the area, we rented bikes with a Canadian girl we met in town. Good thing we had mountain bikes because the dirt roads north of town was pretty terrible! We followed the river for a few hours while taking in the incredible scenery, small village life, and enjoying the friendly company. After a while, we figured we would have to turn around to make it back before dark, but we decided to keep going to the next village. Thankfully we did. When we got into the village and stopped by the school to take pictures of some adorable baby goats, all of the school children ran out to see us! They didn’t quite know what to do or how to say anything at first, but after a minute or two, they were laughing and smiling and taking pictures of us with our cameras! They really got a kick out of taking a picture and then seeing themselves on the camera screens. Some enthusiastic older boys also convinced us with their smiles to try out our bikes. They were surprisingly good and even rode around without hands! It was such a blast! After twenty minutes or so, a teacher came out of the school and introduced herself and then easily ushered all of the children back into the school. We were so glad to have kept going to the village! With smiles permanently stamped on our faces, the ride back to town was a breeze.

Mountain biking around Nong Khiaw.

Village school kids and animals.

We did have one minor hiccup in Nong Khiaw. After returning to our bungalow from the sauna, we discovered all of our clothes that were hanging to dry on the balcony were tossed around and thrown on the ground (where the sewage drains). There definitely wasn’t any wind that day, so somebody had decided to walk up to our balcony and disturb all of our clothes! Thankfully everything was accounted for, but we definitely felt violated. Who does that!?! Regardless of the laundry incident, our visit to Nong Khiaw was amazing and probably our favorite stop in Laos. The delicious food, relaxed pace, beautiful views, and generally friendly locals made it a great four days. It also helped us relax by getting some of our ‘To Do list’ taken care of.

Luang Prabang, Laos – February 13th – 17th, 2017

Departing Vientiane was a hurry-up and wait scenario – an anxious tuk tuk driver picked us up (along with ~16 other travelers) and we crammed in the back of the truck bed, which was lined with benches. We were so packed that two people were transported on the tailgate and the luggage, which was piled high at our feet, was constantly in threat of ejection. Arriving at the bus station, we expected to be hurriedly ushered onto our bus, but no… we were directed towards our sleeper bus by yet a different wound up guy, only to find out that we needed to wait about 2 hours before the bus left. The sleeper buses in Laos consist of about 40 “double” beds stacked on top of one another with a padded isle in the middle which can accommodate more people. If you don’t have a travel buddy for your “double” bed, one (or possibly more) will be assigned to you. Luckily, we had each other so all was good right?! No! Our bunk was situated in the back (where the cool kids sit, how did they know?!) underneath the a/c blower which extended from the ceiling, preventing us from sitting up. Additionally, the beds are sized for Asian-sized people to be uncomfortable, therefore the laying down position was a no-go too. Lastly, the driver was a crazed maniac, throwing the bus around curves, thereby creating nightmarish sleeping conditions. Lastly lastly, his pee stops along the 12 hours journey were timed for him alone, not allowing anybody else time to get off the bus, pee, and get back on without being left. This was especially true because in order for us to get off the bus we had to climb off our bunk and tip-toe over about 12 sleeping people in the isle. My single failed escape from the bus led to me chasing after the bus which was getting ready to pull away while Andy screamed from the inside not to leave (turns out I wasn’t even the last one on the bus). I didn’t even get to get a chance to go the bathroom (which would have been in the middle of a flat field since the driver stopped along the side of the road) and was forced to cram myself in a toilet closet with a hole in the floor while the bus slammed me into the urine covered walls (still better than wetting myself). So… yes the night was hellish, but we did manage a couple hours of pharmaceutical induced sleep and arrived safely in Luang Prabang before the sun came up.

Some pictures of our bus experience and walking around Luang Prabang on our first day. Some merchandise from the night market is shown in the bottom-right: elephant slippers and trinkets made from the metal of uncovered US bombs.

Luang Prabang is an adorable tourist town at the confluence of two rivers which was declared a UNESCO World Heritage site due to its well-preserved French colonial architecture and religious/cultural tradition. It surprisingly reminded us of a cutesy mountain tourist town where all of the buildings along the main street are pristinely decorated in the same way. The main difference to a western mountain town was the Asian influence, of which there was minimal, since the main occupants of the city center appeared to be tourists. Since our guesthouse was on the outskirts of the tourist area, we walked into town each day to get our fix of western conveniences (and delish Laos omelets filled with bean sprouts, greens, and herbs). We frequented coffee shops where we got caught up on planning and even found sharp cheddar cheese!!!

Although gorging ourselves round the clock seemed a viable option, we pulled ourselves away from the food just long enough to do a couple of things around Luang Prabang. On Valentine’s Day, we rounded up other tourists (which was not difficult) to share a tuk tuk to Kuang Si Waterfall. Besides the car sickness which resulted from sitting in a truck bed on a windy road, the waterfall and bear rescue (which occupied the same park) was really nice. We spent most of our time watching the bears play with each other and nap in the most hilarious positions. Although it was the dry season, the waterfall was still impressive. It had several stages cascading into small aquamarine colored poles throughout the long descent. Although many people were swimming, the weather was dreary and the water was cold, so we refrained from getting in. Back in Luang Prabang, and fully recovered from wanting to vomit out the back of the tuk tuk truck, we went to a nice restaurant (which served fondue) for our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple (aww)!

A few of our pictures of the adorable and cuddle-tempting bears at the Bear Rescue Center along with some morning sights in town.

The beautiful waters of Kuang Si waterfalls, our Valentine's day dinner (wearing our best clothes), and Andy after performing his favorite travel ritual (bathroom sink laundry)

On our last day, we took a full day cooking class. The class started with a market tour where we bought some of the necessary produce. While at the market, I noticed an enormous stack of eggs. Curious about where so many eggs came from, the following conversation commenced with our chef guide:

          Me: Where do all of the eggs come from?
          Guide: There are three chicken farms on the outskirts of town.
          Me: Are the chickens in individual cages or do they get to run free?
          Guide: They are in cages.

I literally had to stop myself from asking, “Are the chickens happy?” because I realized that my dialog was an exact replica of a scene from the show Portlandia (which makes fun of contemporary hippies). If you haven’t seen the show, check out the skit here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErRHJlE4PGI. I think it’s time for us to admit, that with the recent purchase of a VW camper van, becoming vegetarians, wearing the same grungy clothes everyday (to be fair, this is entirely out of necessity), and now my chicken rights dialog, we have undeniably transitioned into full-blown hippies. Regardless of the origin of the eggs, the cooking class turned out to be a lot of fun. We made fancy vegetable decorations, fried spring rolls, sticky rice, stuffed lemongrass, ginger tofu, veggie curry, and pumpkin dessert soup.

Our cooking class and market tour with Bamboo Tree Cooking School - the hats were awesome!!

After the class, we wandered around the city, visiting several Buddhist temples and monasteries along the way. Typical of Laos, each place we visited had a steep entrance fee so we didn’t actual go into many of the temples, but viewed them from the outside instead. We did pay the fee to climb Phousi hill, where we enjoyed the view of the surrounding area and visited yet another temple. After our quick tour of the city, we stopped in at Big Brother Mouse, a program which helps Laos students learn English. Twice a day, the program hosts free drop-in sessions for students to interact and practice their English with tourists. Over the two-hour session, we met about a dozen outgoing kids who were eager to tell us all about their lives in Laos. The teenager I spoke with was from a small village and was the first of his family to go to college. He has five sisters, one of which was married this summer (she is only 15 years old!). He was aspiring to study computer science and had a lot of questions about how he could do a foreign exchange semester in the US. Andy spoke with a group of girls who were mostly interested in knowing when we were going to have babies. The concept that we are so “old,” don’t have any kids, and don’t have plans to have kids anytime soon, seemed absolutely baffling to them. Not wanting to intrude on his conversation, I let him work out how to try to explain it to them. Regardless of the topic of conversation, it was an incredible experience to spend some time with such enthusiastic and driven teenagers!

Some more sights in picturesque Luang Prabang along with a few cute pups (the human pup included 😊)

Even though it was undeniably touristy, we enjoyed our time in Luang Prabang. We met some amazing people (both foreign and local), ate far too much delicious food, and thoroughly appreciated our clean room and the super-friendly family that ran our guesthouse. Did we really have to get on another bus?

Vientiane, Laos – February 9th – 12th, 2017

Besides a trippy bus ceiling and confusion over the public bus which takes you into town (typical), the trip from Thakhek to Vientiane was uneventful (dancing for joy!). Now in downtown Vientiane, our next job was to find our hotel. Google and MapsMe turned out to be wrong (typical again) and the several groups of Laos people couldn’t be bothered to help us (typical again again). An hour later we found the place and were annoyed to find the receptionist was having an identity crisis – he believed he was a milk man (attempting to milk us for money). Learning from our Battambang, Cambodia police debacle, we settled on paying a couple bucks more than our online booking and vowed to use outside vendors for everything else (bike rental, bus tickets to Luang Prabang, laundry, etc.). It turned to be a good thing too since we found a woman a couple of blocks away who we were more than happy to give our business to. She arranged everything for us, with much less commission than our hotel milk man! After getting our errands out of the way, we splurged on pizza, bruschetta, and wine – oh, the luxuries of a tourist town!

The next day, we rented bicycles and cycled around Vientiane. First stop was the Vietnam Embassy to arrange our visas, which were ready for pick-up the same day (for a fee of course). The rest of the day we wandered the city, riding through quiet backstreets, and stopping at a couple (3) coffee shops and Buddhist temples along the way. Although Vientiane is the capital city of Laos, it is surprisingly small (pop. 750,000), and feels more European than Asian. They even have their own Arc de Triomphe (called the Patuxai Arch)! Although the way we stopped at the COPE Visitors Center where we learned about the effects of unexploded ordinances (UXO) in Laos. So apparently, it wasn’t just Cambodia that the US bombed between 1964-1973. During the “Secret War on Laos” the USA dropped about 2.5 million tons of cluster bombs, of which approximately 30% did not explode on impact – leaving approximately 80 million sub-munitions waiting to explode. I’m sure you can infer the problem here… post-war (after 1973) about 21,000 innocent people have been injured or killed in Laos due to hidden UXOs which scatter the countryside. In addition to not knowing anything about the US bombing of Cambodia or Laos prior to this trip, we were also shocked to discover that the US remains one of the only countries to refuse to sign the Cluster Munitions Coalition treaty preventing the use, construction, and stockpiling of cluster bombs. Ug… depressing.   

Temples and monasteries around Vientiane.

COPE visitors center and biking around Vientiane.

The following day, we rented bicycles again and went to a local vegan buffet for lunch. Since it was all you can eat (aka all you can hold down), we stuffed our faces before continuing riding to Houey Ho Vocational Training Center for Women. Here, we learned about their training program to teach women from surrounding villages how to sew and weave. We also dyed our own silk scarves using traditional techniques and dyes from natural products. Andy made a red scarf dyed with stick lac resin (resin from insects) and mine was yellow from jackfruit. They turned out really nice (spoiler alert: we intend to give them to our Grandmas). After a necessary fruit shack stop, we made it back downtown in time for the Asian aerobics class on the riverfront! Andy was such a great sport: after dying scarves with a bunch of women all afternoon, he enthusiastically participated in a hilarious Zumba-esque workout lead by two very flamboyant men. The workout was surprisingly difficult (mostly because of our complete lack of dance skills and coordination) and our cheeks got just as much of a workout from smiling and laughing as our bodies did. The locals also got a kick out of us.

Dying class at Houey Ho Vocational Training Center.

Before departing on the night bus to Luang Prabang the next evening, we did a stair workout on the riverfront boardwalk, ate Indian food, got Laos massages (there is a good possibility that both of our masseuses were transgender – not that it matters, they were very friendly and gave great massages), and spent several hours at an herbal sauna. The gender specific saunas were powered by a wood fire which boiled hot water infused with lemongrass and miscellaneous herbs into small wooden rooms where you sweat excessively while rubbing your body with a salt scrub. In between sweat sessions, you pour cold water over yourself and drink hot tea. It took us a while to figure out (we had to watch the locals), but the experience was incredible! Now thoroughly relaxed, it was time to re-enter the hell of Asian bus transport. Stay tuned for more bus fun – overnight edition.   

Trippy bus ceiling (upper left), view from our hostel (upper center), 4-in-1 coffee for men, "Strengthen the power of sex and sexual relationships long time" (upper right), and our workout class (bottom).